in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
