I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
