My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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