Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
