I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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