cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
