I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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