she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
