if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
how drunk are you?
Several
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
