i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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