So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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