Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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