And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
