I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
