like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
