I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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