You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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