look no pants
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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