do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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