Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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