a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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