Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
