I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
