whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
