Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
dude. I can hear the air.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
