The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
