Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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