she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize