You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
