Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
