Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
