yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The adults are the big ones right?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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