so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
