I looked at my own cervix.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
