Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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