eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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