Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
