I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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