this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
