This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
