I hate your face
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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