is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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