her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
