duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I touched a dick in church today
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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