You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
