we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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