she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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