so that wasnt chicken after all
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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