He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
