The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My liver just had a heart attack.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
