Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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