he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
