hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
