I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Non-Jews are for practice
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
