Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
