I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
