I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize