Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
