This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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