You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
