My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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