I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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