he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
