i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
