Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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