you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
