i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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