she told me i tasted like america
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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