What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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