Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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