then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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