As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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