dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think people are normalizing furries
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
