The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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