you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
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I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
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I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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