i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He shit in the fireplace
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
