i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
