if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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