one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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