Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
