Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
