You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
