they said they heard you say put it in my butt
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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